Thinking about having a baby? How exciting! All the books, websites, and well-meaning people give you a list of things to do before you get down and dirty. I wanted to go through some of these, and give my feedback on them.
1. Go see your doctor for a preconception exam!
I'm not sure what OTHER people's doctors do, but my doctor did exactly squat. No tests, no pelvic exam, no blood work, no ultrasounds. I practically had to force my history on her, she didn't seem to care. When I told her my concerns about going off birth control, she told me, "just try to get pregnant right away". As irritating as this is, I think that most doctors would probably say something like that, and tell you to come back in 6 months or a year if things aren't going so well. So, save your money, start trying to make a little bean right away, keep a calendar, and go in after 6 months
2. Start taking prenatal vitamins 3 months before you want to start trying to conceive.
Sounds like a good idea, no? Let me tell you something about prenatal vitamins. They constipate you like a motherf***er. At least they did to me. I asked a nurse about it, and she said, "no, prenatals don't do that. Progesterone from pregnancy does that". Since I wasn't pregnant (and still am not), I'm pretty sure it was the iron. After 2 weeks on the prenatals and eating a bag of prunes a day (no, really), I decided that I couldn't actually go without pooping for a year. So, I'm on regular ol' multi-vitamins. Sometimes when I remember, I take extra Calcium and B-complex.
3. Go see the dentist
Well, you should go see the dentist anyway. But for the love of god, don't tell them you're trying to get pregnant. Because they'll make a little note in your chart, and then they'll ask you every 6 months if you're pregnant. And eventually, you'll want to either find a new dentist, or just let your teeth rot out.
4. Stop smoking, drinking, and having caffeine.
When you first start TTC, you cut way back on alcohol and coffee, and everyone assumes you must be pregnant. A year later, when you look the same, they just assume you're weird. There's some folks out there that think alcohol and coffee will make you infertile. But it won't. Infertility makes you infertile. So I still drink the coffee, and the whiskey, and sometimes whiskey in my coffee. I try to knock it off during the two week wait, but honestly, even if I were pregnant during that time, we don't share blood supply yet. Cutting out coffee and beer doesn't help your chances of conception, it just makes you sad. And smoking? I don't think anyone should smoke, regardless of whether they are TTC or not.
5. Review your medications with your doctor.
I've been on prozac for a long time, because it makes me a nicer person to be around. For the past 5 years or so, everytime I saw a doctor, I would ask them, "should I go off prozac while pregnant?" And I've gotten about 5 years worth of very different answers. I did try to go off prozac, but you know what? Subfertility is very stressful. And I honestly don't know if I can make it though the process without my happy pills. So, I'm staying on them.
6. Get your finances in order.
You know the great thing about subfertility? It gives you lots of time to get your finances in order! It will also suck them dry, if you let it. We've decided the only thing we are willing to do that ISN'T covered by the insurance is IUI. We waited until we were settled to try to start a family - we're not going to now blow it all on non-covered procedures that may or may not work. And honestly, how many young fertile women have their finances in order before they get knocked up?
7. Take a trip together!
Yes, you should do that. But don't expect to come back pregnant. But, on the plus side, you'll be able to take lots of baby-free trips, because you aren't pregnant yet!
8. Reduce stress in your life.
You know what's really stressful? Trying for a long time to have a baby, and then not having a baby. Charting your temperature, analyzing your cervical mucus, breaking down in tears when your period comes, having lots of crazy invasive tests to try to figure out what's wrong with you, shooting yourself up with drugs, crying when your period comes, getting more and more irritated with with people's stupid questions, your friends going to to have their second and third baby, did I mention crying when your period comes...?
So there you have it, the pre-conception check-list debunked. Really, don't do any of it. You'll already be giving up any sense of decorum and decency, as you discuss your estridiol levels with strangers in the line behind you in Starbucks. Don't give up the Starbucks too. And put a little Jim Beam in that coffee. It will lessen the sting of that negative pregnancy test.
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