If people know you are trying to have a baby, or if they just *assume* you're trying to have a baby (since you've been married for 8 years and have no offspring), they feel the need to give you all sorts of reassuring stories. Like, "Maybe you are trying too hard. I know a couple that tried for a long time, and then they got drunk one night and got pregnant". Sadly, all my nights of heavy drinking have resulted in no babies.
Maybe you explain to them that no, it's not that we're trying too hard, I actually have an endocrine problem that makes it hard for me to get pregnant. And then they (of course) know someone who tried for YEARS to have a baby, spent $30k on in vitro fertilization, donor eggs, donor sperm, donor uterus, donor storks, and got nothing. So they gave up, prepared to live out their lives in childless loneliness. And then lo and behold! They had a miracle baby! It's amazing that everyone seems to have one of these stories.
A friend of mine (who really did have a miracle baby - I told you everyone has a story like that), told me that there are probably a limited number of miracle babies in the world, but most people know them. Like the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. 3 degrees of separation from someone's miracle baby.
But what about the other stories? The couple that tried for years, spent their life savings, and then got rejected from the adoption process because they were too old at that point? I'm pretty sure everyone knows LOTS of people like that. I just haven't decided if it's a kindness or not that people don't share THOSE stories with me.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
The TTC vernacular
Once you enter the crazy on-line world of networking with other women who are trying to have a baby, you realize that there is a crazy language unique to this population. For instance, if you write in an on-line forum:
"I O'd on cd 18, never got a + opk, but went by cm and bd'd w/ my dh. Now I'm in the 2ww, can't wait to poas - hoping for a BFP!"
You could translate that to,
"I ovulated on calendar day 18 of my cycle, despite not having it confirmed with a positive on an ovulation predictor kit. However, my cervical mucus gave an indication I was fertile, so I engaged in intercourse with my husband. Now I am patiently waiting 2 weeks until I can take a home pregnancy test. I do hope it is positive, indicating that I am with child"
Ugh. Then when you get into the infertility forums (not just the annoying forums where people post their fertility charts, and get pregnant after trying for all of two months), then the jargon gets even weirder.
For instance:
"DH's SA came back normal, waiting for AF to show so we can start the follistim and ovidril for starting art, pre RE. Going in for baseline US on cd3. My HSG looks good, but so far only bfns for us. After this month's IUI I'll start progest supp at 3dpo"
Which would mean,
"My husband had a semen analysis test done, which came back normal, so we are waiting for my menstrual flow to begin, so we will be at the beginning of another cycle. Then we will be able to start injectible fertility drugs, in conjunction with assisted reproductive technology, under the guidance of our reproductive endocrinologist. I will then go in for a baseline ultrasound on day three of my cycle. I had a hysterosalpingogram (injection of dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes) which showed my fallopian tubes were open, but so far we have only gotten negative results on our home pregnancy tests. After our intrauterine insemination, I will then begin progesterone suppositories starting at 3 days post ovulation."
And you thought teenagers with their tech-speak was irritating!
"I O'd on cd 18, never got a + opk, but went by cm and bd'd w/ my dh. Now I'm in the 2ww, can't wait to poas - hoping for a BFP!"
You could translate that to,
"I ovulated on calendar day 18 of my cycle, despite not having it confirmed with a positive on an ovulation predictor kit. However, my cervical mucus gave an indication I was fertile, so I engaged in intercourse with my husband. Now I am patiently waiting 2 weeks until I can take a home pregnancy test. I do hope it is positive, indicating that I am with child"
Ugh. Then when you get into the infertility forums (not just the annoying forums where people post their fertility charts, and get pregnant after trying for all of two months), then the jargon gets even weirder.
For instance:
"DH's SA came back normal, waiting for AF to show so we can start the follistim and ovidril for starting art, pre RE. Going in for baseline US on cd3. My HSG looks good, but so far only bfns for us. After this month's IUI I'll start progest supp at 3dpo"
Which would mean,
"My husband had a semen analysis test done, which came back normal, so we are waiting for my menstrual flow to begin, so we will be at the beginning of another cycle. Then we will be able to start injectible fertility drugs, in conjunction with assisted reproductive technology, under the guidance of our reproductive endocrinologist. I will then go in for a baseline ultrasound on day three of my cycle. I had a hysterosalpingogram (injection of dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes) which showed my fallopian tubes were open, but so far we have only gotten negative results on our home pregnancy tests. After our intrauterine insemination, I will then begin progesterone suppositories starting at 3 days post ovulation."
And you thought teenagers with their tech-speak was irritating!
Mark Zuckerberg has an algorithm designed to make you crazy, OR, yes, everyone on Facebook is having babies
Even though you don't discuss your Trying to Conceive plans on Facebook, Facebook still seems to know about your secret searches to "babyhopes" "takingchargeofyourfertility" and "fertilethoughts" websites. And Facebook not only populated your sidebar ads with things like "Get a job being an ultrasound technician!" and "Great coupons here for for moms", facebook also seems to have people pop up in your newsfeed if they have any kind of baby announcements. These people never show up in your newsfeed otherwise, but there must be some algorithm deep in your facebook profile, that assumes you always want to see pictures of other people's babies. Here are a few classic examples from the past few weeks:
-Your husband's cousin has created a facebook page for her 6-month old. Facebook suggests you might want to be the baby's friend.
-That kid you knew from high school who you could have sworn was gay? Just had a baby (yes, I know, he still could be gay). And he posts something like, "I thought I knew what joy was the day I married my beautiful wife. Now that my son is here, I feel my life is just beginning" (barf. You would NEVER put something so maudlin.)
-Your friend from elementary school, who's only been married a little over a year? Yup - she just had her baby. Her belly shots and ultrasound photos have been popping up in your newsfeed for about 7 months. Despite your best efforts to block them, they STILL keep popping up as other friends comment on her status ("OMG! You are the cutest pregnant woman ever!").
-Your good friend who you considered a soul-mate in the subfertility journey because it took her so long to get pregnant the first time? Well, she had secondary-super-fertility, and is knocked up again. You give the obligatory congrats on her wall, but so to 10 thousand other people, which means that you are always alerted to everyone elses comments.
-Your friend of a friend, who already has 2 little boys, just had to try for a little girl, and she's getting one! I wish ordering a baby was so easy for everyone!
-Your friend doesn't have a FB account, so you wish him a happy birthday on wife's page - only to discover she is days away from delivering a baby! Now she's going to pop up in your feed because you visited her page. Damnit!
Mark, can't you invent an app to block anyone elses's baby news? I only want to hear about rock climbing and food from people's updates. And can't you differentiate between google searches that pregnant women use ("tummy or prone sleep?" "Do plastic diapers cause rashes?" "When is too early to sign up for pre-school") from the google searches us sub-fertile women make? ("How much does IUI cost?" "Will the HSG hurt?" "Will Reclipsen thicken my uterine lining?" "When is sperm count too low?") This app would help you target my sidebar ads to things like "Fertilaid Vitamins" and "tampons" and "Discounted Liquor" - you know, things I really need.
*UPDATE*
Apparently, Facebook just came out with an option of "I'm expecting" button in your profile. Thanks Mark.
-Your husband's cousin has created a facebook page for her 6-month old. Facebook suggests you might want to be the baby's friend.
-That kid you knew from high school who you could have sworn was gay? Just had a baby (yes, I know, he still could be gay). And he posts something like, "I thought I knew what joy was the day I married my beautiful wife. Now that my son is here, I feel my life is just beginning" (barf. You would NEVER put something so maudlin.)
-Your friend from elementary school, who's only been married a little over a year? Yup - she just had her baby. Her belly shots and ultrasound photos have been popping up in your newsfeed for about 7 months. Despite your best efforts to block them, they STILL keep popping up as other friends comment on her status ("OMG! You are the cutest pregnant woman ever!").
-Your good friend who you considered a soul-mate in the subfertility journey because it took her so long to get pregnant the first time? Well, she had secondary-super-fertility, and is knocked up again. You give the obligatory congrats on her wall, but so to 10 thousand other people, which means that you are always alerted to everyone elses comments.
-Your friend of a friend, who already has 2 little boys, just had to try for a little girl, and she's getting one! I wish ordering a baby was so easy for everyone!
-Your friend doesn't have a FB account, so you wish him a happy birthday on wife's page - only to discover she is days away from delivering a baby! Now she's going to pop up in your feed because you visited her page. Damnit!
Mark, can't you invent an app to block anyone elses's baby news? I only want to hear about rock climbing and food from people's updates. And can't you differentiate between google searches that pregnant women use ("tummy or prone sleep?" "Do plastic diapers cause rashes?" "When is too early to sign up for pre-school") from the google searches us sub-fertile women make? ("How much does IUI cost?" "Will the HSG hurt?" "Will Reclipsen thicken my uterine lining?" "When is sperm count too low?") This app would help you target my sidebar ads to things like "Fertilaid Vitamins" and "tampons" and "Discounted Liquor" - you know, things I really need.
*UPDATE*
Apparently, Facebook just came out with an option of "I'm expecting" button in your profile. Thanks Mark.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
All About Sperm
Remember back in junior high health class, when you learned all about sperm? Sperm was magical, as well as diabolical. Sperm could live for days on a toilet seat. Sperm could swim though 6 layers of clothing and impregnate you. It only takes one single sperm (ONE!) to get you pregnant. And sperm could be deposited on your clothes, and a week later, find its way inside you and burrow inside your egg. Ah, the good old days, when sperm could not be defeated. And for most of my adult life, I adhered to this guidance. Any loose sperm was a cause for alarm, much like a biohazard spill.
After a year + of subfertility, you learn a few truths about sperm:
-Sperm doesn't like things too warm
-Sperm doesn't like things too cold
-Sperm doesn't like coffee, alcohol, tobacco, or soy
-Sperm doesn't like hot tubs, hot showers, saunas, restrictive underwear, bike shorts, biking, synthetic fabrics, laptops, or scalding hot liquids
-Sperm doesn't like to be in the testicles for longer than 7 days
-Sperm doesn't like having to regenerate every day
-Sperm doesn't like it when you get old, or overweight, or stressed out
-Sperm doesn't like lube, saliva, petroleum jelly, baby oil, or any cervical fluid other than "eggwhite"
-Sperm doesn't like to be kept waiting in a cup for over an hour
-Although it only takes "one good sperm", having a sperm count of 1 will never get anyone pregnant
After a year + of subfertility, you learn a few truths about sperm:
-Sperm doesn't like things too warm
-Sperm doesn't like things too cold
-Sperm doesn't like coffee, alcohol, tobacco, or soy
-Sperm doesn't like hot tubs, hot showers, saunas, restrictive underwear, bike shorts, biking, synthetic fabrics, laptops, or scalding hot liquids
-Sperm doesn't like to be in the testicles for longer than 7 days
-Sperm doesn't like having to regenerate every day
-Sperm doesn't like it when you get old, or overweight, or stressed out
-Sperm doesn't like lube, saliva, petroleum jelly, baby oil, or any cervical fluid other than "eggwhite"
-Sperm doesn't like to be kept waiting in a cup for over an hour
-Although it only takes "one good sperm", having a sperm count of 1 will never get anyone pregnant
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