Pass the Love, Hold the Helpful Suggestions

Dear Friends, Family, and people I only marginally know,

Thanks for your interest in my fertility! I know you are all trying to be supportive, and helpful to me in this stressful time of my life. Can I ask a favor though? I don't want any suggestions from you. I don't want stories about people you know, I don't want you to ask if I've tried the newest fertility treatment of eating raw earthworms.

"Did you hear cousin Suzy got pregnant from doing IUI? And cousin Betsy did in-vitro and now has two little boys! Why don't you try that?"

"Have you tried Metformin? I hear it's a miracle drug! My neighbors daughters friends dog-walker said nothing worked until she went on it"

"Have you seen a naturopath? What about acupuncture? Guided meditation?"

"Wait, what's wrong with you again? Why can't you have a baby?"

"What do you mean you aren't going to do IVF - don't you want to exhaust all your options?"

"You're trying too hard. Just relax! Pretend like you DON'T want to get pregnant - that works for a lot of people!"

"Don't worry, you can still adopt! There are lots of kids that need homes!"

Family and friends, you should know that there is not a treatment out there I haven't researched, no book I haven't read, no blog I haven't followed, no infertile women I haven't hounded for information. I know all the treatments, alternative therapies, drugs, and procedures. You don't need to tell me about any of them.

I really don't care what other people did to achieve a baby. I'm not them.

I know more about the male and female reproductive systems than I ever thought possible. I just don't always feel like explaining the inner workings of my lady parts to you. If you're really curious, get a book. I have a stack by my bed. No, you can't borrow them. I need them.

I have a plan of treatment. My doctor has earned my trust, and he and I are going down the road we have chosen - the road that is right for me. I'm not going to exhaust all the medical options. I'm not a lab rat, and I don't have an endless supply of money. We are pursuing a course of treatment that my husband and I feel comfortable with. Please trust us about that.

I really don't feel like explaining WHY I'm not doing acupuncture, taking Chinese herbs, or snorting Vitex Root up my nose. Please don't ask my to justify why I'm doing what I'm doing, and why I'm not going down other paths.

No, I'm not trying to hard. I'm trying the amount that I'm comfortable with. Relaxing doesn't actually affect my fertility. My endocrine disorder affects my fertility.

Adoption is on the horizon. But we're not there yet. We can't simutaneously put all of our effort into fertility treatments AND researching adoption. We'll do one until we reach the end of the line, then we'll explore the other. We actually don't even want to think about adoption right now. So please, leave the adoption issue alone.

So, what's a well-meaning friend of my aunts florist to do? Send me your well-wishes and prayers. Hope that I find peace with whatever unfolds. Send good thoughts that my marriage stays strong throughout this process. Ask me how I'm doing, tell me you'll support me no matter what I choose. And when the thought of, "Have you tried...." pops into your head, stifle it by giving me a hug.