13 months of trying to make a baby. You've changed so much in this year, and I'm not sure if it's for the better. Let's take a look back at the happy carefree Preconception You, and the slightly jaded and still not pregnant Subfertility You.
Preconception You LOVES to talk about getting pregnant. Good people to pump for information are hair stylists, as they are cutting your hair. You shyly tell them that you are planning on starting a family soon too. They tell you all about their 5 kids, and wish you luck on your impending conception.
Subfertility You doesn't go to that stylist anymore.
Preconception You blows her nose, and throws away the tissue
Subfertility You examines the contents, and wishes your cervical mucus looked so good. Subfertility you is also obsessed with pretty much anything that shows up on toilet paper; always on the lookout for good cervical fluid or the elusive implantation spotting.
You go for a run on the trails by your office. The secretary warns you not to go, as there is likely a rapist behind every tree.
Preconception You blows off her warnings, because she is an alarmist and a conspiracy nut.
Subfertility You thinks, "A rapist? Do you think his sperm is any good?"
Preconception You loves to coo over other people's babies. You love to hold them, cuddle them, and ask their mothers all sorts of questions about conception, labor, delivery, appropriate times to introduce the bottle, maternity leave, and their opinions on pacificers.
Subfertility You doesn't want to talk to anyone about their baby. Because, it will lead the the question of, "are you going to have one?", and you like to avoid that conversation now. You don't even like to hold people's babies now. Probably, because you know you are likely to steal the baby, and you need to practice a measure of restraint.
Preconception You has a bunch of baby-planning books that other people have given you, as well as baby toys and clothes. They say, "just tuck this away for someday".
Subfertility You has only read the first chapter of each of these books (the one about pre-conception and conception). It's too depressing (or it feels like you might jinx yourself) if you read any further. The Baby Naming Book is under the wobbly leg of the table. All the baby toys and clothes are now molding in the basement, far out of sight. Sometimes you even give them to other people, as they have their babies, or second or third babies.
Preconception You thinks it would be fun to have an "oops" baby, preferably in the summer, when your work load at your job is the lowest. Subfertility You will take any kind of baby she can get, at any time.
Preconception You assumes your husband masterbates from time to time, but doesn't want to know about it. Preconception You also has no interest in sperm, other than the fact it is messy. Subfertility You is obsessed with sperm numbers: motility, morphology, volume, live sperm per volume, fragmentation, healthy tails. You also demand that your loved one jerk off into a cup while you wait with the car running, so you can transport it (in your armpit) to the clinic within an hour of emergence to be analyzed.
Preconception You likes to say, "oh, I'm so against using drugs for anything. I'm an all-natural kind of girl." Subfertility You will swallow, inject, or shove up your hooha any drug your Reproductive Endocrinology tells you too. You'd even inject it into your eyeball, if the RE told you it might help.
Preconception You drinks because there is no baby.Subfertility You drinks because there is no baby.
(hey! I guess not everything changes!)
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