Monday, August 15, 2011

Mark Zuckerberg has an algorithm designed to make you crazy, OR, yes, everyone on Facebook is having babies

Even though you don't discuss your Trying to Conceive plans on Facebook, Facebook still seems to know about your secret searches to "babyhopes" "takingchargeofyourfertility" and "fertilethoughts" websites. And Facebook not only populated your sidebar ads with things like "Get a job being an ultrasound technician!" and "Great coupons here for for moms", facebook also seems to have people pop up in your newsfeed if they have any kind of baby announcements. These people never show up in your newsfeed otherwise, but there must be some algorithm deep in your facebook profile, that assumes you always want to see pictures of other people's babies. Here are a few classic examples from the past few weeks:

-Your husband's cousin has created a facebook page for her 6-month old. Facebook suggests you might want to be the baby's friend.

-That kid you knew from high school who you could have sworn was gay? Just had a baby (yes, I know, he still could be gay). And he posts something like, "I thought I knew what joy was the day I married my beautiful wife. Now that my son is here, I feel my life is just beginning" (barf. You would NEVER put something so maudlin.)

-Your friend from elementary school, who's only been married a little over a year? Yup - she just had her baby. Her belly shots and ultrasound photos have been popping up in your newsfeed for about 7 months. Despite your best efforts to block them, they STILL keep popping up as other friends comment on her status ("OMG! You are the cutest pregnant woman ever!").

-Your good friend who you considered a soul-mate in the subfertility journey because it took her so long to get pregnant the first time? Well, she had secondary-super-fertility, and is knocked up again. You give the obligatory congrats on her wall, but so to 10 thousand other people, which means that you are always alerted to everyone elses comments.

-Your friend of a friend, who already has 2 little boys, just had to try for a little girl, and she's getting one! I wish ordering a baby was so easy for everyone!

-Your friend doesn't have a FB account, so you wish him a happy birthday on wife's page - only to discover she is days away from delivering a baby! Now she's going to pop up in your feed because you visited her page. Damnit!

Mark, can't you invent an app to block anyone elses's baby news? I only want to hear about rock climbing and food from people's updates. And can't you differentiate between google searches that pregnant women use ("tummy or prone sleep?" "Do plastic diapers cause rashes?" "When is too early to sign up for pre-school") from the google searches us sub-fertile women make? ("How much does IUI cost?" "Will the HSG hurt?" "Will Reclipsen thicken my uterine lining?" "When is sperm count too low?") This app would help you target my sidebar ads to things like "Fertilaid Vitamins" and "tampons" and "Discounted Liquor" - you know, things I really need.

*UPDATE*
Apparently, Facebook just came out with an option of "I'm expecting" button in your profile. Thanks Mark.

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