If you start hanging around fertility boards, you get a lot of advice on what enhances fertility, and what hampers it. You get some good suggestions, such as:
Losing weight will help your fertility!
Okay. I buy that.
Going off birth control will make you fertile!
Yeah. That makes sense.
Having sex will help make a baby! If you don't have sex, it's harder to get pregnant!
Got it. Sex = baby.
If you don't have sex during your fertile period, you won't get pregnant!
Right. No egg = unemployed sperm.
Then you get into the realm of "alternate therapies"
Acupuncture will make you more fertile!
I don't know about this one, but it's been around for a while, and a lot of people put stock in it. I'm not going to discount it.
Sugar will make you infertile!
I guess I can kind of see that, if you have PCOS and blood sugar issues, then cutting out sugar will stabilize your blood sugar levels, disrupting the negative feedback loop between insulin and low hormone levels....okay....
Use Instead Softcups! They'll hold the sperm up near your cervix - it will have no where else to go but into your egg.
Maybe if you plan on doing Jazzercize right after you have sex...
And then you get into the sphere of Crazyland. And granted, I fully understand why people want to visit Crazyland. It's lovely this time of year. And in Crazyland, the following things make you fertile:
Fertility stones, fertility candles, yams, sleeping with the lights on, crazy nasty herbs , soy, maca root, baby aspirin, chiropractors, vitamin B6, Red Raspberry Leaf tea, green tea, tea tree, lavender, dextoxing, oil pulling (swishing oil in your mouth), Chaste berry tea, yoga, meditation, robitussin, royal jelly, uterine massage, lunaception, Fertibella, Tulsi tea, iodine, melatonin
And the following things make you infertile:
Coffee, Tea, alcohol, high heels, hot tubs, peas, soy (ha! it's on both lists), stress, dairy, gluten, too much sex, not enough sex, low iron, antihistamines, microwaves, cell phones, radios, air pollution, NSAIDs (IBproufin)
To simplify things, I've made my own list of what helps fertility:
Being fertile
You're welcome.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
THE PRECONCEPTION CHECKLIST (and why it's a terrible idea)
Thinking about having a baby? How exciting! All the books, websites, and well-meaning people give you a list of things to do before you get down and dirty. I wanted to go through some of these, and give my feedback on them.
1. Go see your doctor for a preconception exam!
I'm not sure what OTHER people's doctors do, but my doctor did exactly squat. No tests, no pelvic exam, no blood work, no ultrasounds. I practically had to force my history on her, she didn't seem to care. When I told her my concerns about going off birth control, she told me, "just try to get pregnant right away". As irritating as this is, I think that most doctors would probably say something like that, and tell you to come back in 6 months or a year if things aren't going so well. So, save your money, start trying to make a little bean right away, keep a calendar, and go in after 6 months
2. Start taking prenatal vitamins 3 months before you want to start trying to conceive.
Sounds like a good idea, no? Let me tell you something about prenatal vitamins. They constipate you like a motherf***er. At least they did to me. I asked a nurse about it, and she said, "no, prenatals don't do that. Progesterone from pregnancy does that". Since I wasn't pregnant (and still am not), I'm pretty sure it was the iron. After 2 weeks on the prenatals and eating a bag of prunes a day (no, really), I decided that I couldn't actually go without pooping for a year. So, I'm on regular ol' multi-vitamins. Sometimes when I remember, I take extra Calcium and B-complex.
3. Go see the dentist
Well, you should go see the dentist anyway. But for the love of god, don't tell them you're trying to get pregnant. Because they'll make a little note in your chart, and then they'll ask you every 6 months if you're pregnant. And eventually, you'll want to either find a new dentist, or just let your teeth rot out.
4. Stop smoking, drinking, and having caffeine.
When you first start TTC, you cut way back on alcohol and coffee, and everyone assumes you must be pregnant. A year later, when you look the same, they just assume you're weird. There's some folks out there that think alcohol and coffee will make you infertile. But it won't. Infertility makes you infertile. So I still drink the coffee, and the whiskey, and sometimes whiskey in my coffee. I try to knock it off during the two week wait, but honestly, even if I were pregnant during that time, we don't share blood supply yet. Cutting out coffee and beer doesn't help your chances of conception, it just makes you sad. And smoking? I don't think anyone should smoke, regardless of whether they are TTC or not.
5. Review your medications with your doctor.
I've been on prozac for a long time, because it makes me a nicer person to be around. For the past 5 years or so, everytime I saw a doctor, I would ask them, "should I go off prozac while pregnant?" And I've gotten about 5 years worth of very different answers. I did try to go off prozac, but you know what? Subfertility is very stressful. And I honestly don't know if I can make it though the process without my happy pills. So, I'm staying on them.
6. Get your finances in order.
You know the great thing about subfertility? It gives you lots of time to get your finances in order! It will also suck them dry, if you let it. We've decided the only thing we are willing to do that ISN'T covered by the insurance is IUI. We waited until we were settled to try to start a family - we're not going to now blow it all on non-covered procedures that may or may not work. And honestly, how many young fertile women have their finances in order before they get knocked up?
7. Take a trip together!
Yes, you should do that. But don't expect to come back pregnant. But, on the plus side, you'll be able to take lots of baby-free trips, because you aren't pregnant yet!
8. Reduce stress in your life.
You know what's really stressful? Trying for a long time to have a baby, and then not having a baby. Charting your temperature, analyzing your cervical mucus, breaking down in tears when your period comes, having lots of crazy invasive tests to try to figure out what's wrong with you, shooting yourself up with drugs, crying when your period comes, getting more and more irritated with with people's stupid questions, your friends going to to have their second and third baby, did I mention crying when your period comes...?
So there you have it, the pre-conception check-list debunked. Really, don't do any of it. You'll already be giving up any sense of decorum and decency, as you discuss your estridiol levels with strangers in the line behind you in Starbucks. Don't give up the Starbucks too. And put a little Jim Beam in that coffee. It will lessen the sting of that negative pregnancy test.
1. Go see your doctor for a preconception exam!
I'm not sure what OTHER people's doctors do, but my doctor did exactly squat. No tests, no pelvic exam, no blood work, no ultrasounds. I practically had to force my history on her, she didn't seem to care. When I told her my concerns about going off birth control, she told me, "just try to get pregnant right away". As irritating as this is, I think that most doctors would probably say something like that, and tell you to come back in 6 months or a year if things aren't going so well. So, save your money, start trying to make a little bean right away, keep a calendar, and go in after 6 months
2. Start taking prenatal vitamins 3 months before you want to start trying to conceive.
Sounds like a good idea, no? Let me tell you something about prenatal vitamins. They constipate you like a motherf***er. At least they did to me. I asked a nurse about it, and she said, "no, prenatals don't do that. Progesterone from pregnancy does that". Since I wasn't pregnant (and still am not), I'm pretty sure it was the iron. After 2 weeks on the prenatals and eating a bag of prunes a day (no, really), I decided that I couldn't actually go without pooping for a year. So, I'm on regular ol' multi-vitamins. Sometimes when I remember, I take extra Calcium and B-complex.
3. Go see the dentist
Well, you should go see the dentist anyway. But for the love of god, don't tell them you're trying to get pregnant. Because they'll make a little note in your chart, and then they'll ask you every 6 months if you're pregnant. And eventually, you'll want to either find a new dentist, or just let your teeth rot out.
4. Stop smoking, drinking, and having caffeine.
When you first start TTC, you cut way back on alcohol and coffee, and everyone assumes you must be pregnant. A year later, when you look the same, they just assume you're weird. There's some folks out there that think alcohol and coffee will make you infertile. But it won't. Infertility makes you infertile. So I still drink the coffee, and the whiskey, and sometimes whiskey in my coffee. I try to knock it off during the two week wait, but honestly, even if I were pregnant during that time, we don't share blood supply yet. Cutting out coffee and beer doesn't help your chances of conception, it just makes you sad. And smoking? I don't think anyone should smoke, regardless of whether they are TTC or not.
5. Review your medications with your doctor.
I've been on prozac for a long time, because it makes me a nicer person to be around. For the past 5 years or so, everytime I saw a doctor, I would ask them, "should I go off prozac while pregnant?" And I've gotten about 5 years worth of very different answers. I did try to go off prozac, but you know what? Subfertility is very stressful. And I honestly don't know if I can make it though the process without my happy pills. So, I'm staying on them.
6. Get your finances in order.
You know the great thing about subfertility? It gives you lots of time to get your finances in order! It will also suck them dry, if you let it. We've decided the only thing we are willing to do that ISN'T covered by the insurance is IUI. We waited until we were settled to try to start a family - we're not going to now blow it all on non-covered procedures that may or may not work. And honestly, how many young fertile women have their finances in order before they get knocked up?
7. Take a trip together!
Yes, you should do that. But don't expect to come back pregnant. But, on the plus side, you'll be able to take lots of baby-free trips, because you aren't pregnant yet!
8. Reduce stress in your life.
You know what's really stressful? Trying for a long time to have a baby, and then not having a baby. Charting your temperature, analyzing your cervical mucus, breaking down in tears when your period comes, having lots of crazy invasive tests to try to figure out what's wrong with you, shooting yourself up with drugs, crying when your period comes, getting more and more irritated with with people's stupid questions, your friends going to to have their second and third baby, did I mention crying when your period comes...?
So there you have it, the pre-conception check-list debunked. Really, don't do any of it. You'll already be giving up any sense of decorum and decency, as you discuss your estridiol levels with strangers in the line behind you in Starbucks. Don't give up the Starbucks too. And put a little Jim Beam in that coffee. It will lessen the sting of that negative pregnancy test.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Everyone Knows a Miracle Baby
If people know you are trying to have a baby, or if they just *assume* you're trying to have a baby (since you've been married for 8 years and have no offspring), they feel the need to give you all sorts of reassuring stories. Like, "Maybe you are trying too hard. I know a couple that tried for a long time, and then they got drunk one night and got pregnant". Sadly, all my nights of heavy drinking have resulted in no babies.
Maybe you explain to them that no, it's not that we're trying too hard, I actually have an endocrine problem that makes it hard for me to get pregnant. And then they (of course) know someone who tried for YEARS to have a baby, spent $30k on in vitro fertilization, donor eggs, donor sperm, donor uterus, donor storks, and got nothing. So they gave up, prepared to live out their lives in childless loneliness. And then lo and behold! They had a miracle baby! It's amazing that everyone seems to have one of these stories.
A friend of mine (who really did have a miracle baby - I told you everyone has a story like that), told me that there are probably a limited number of miracle babies in the world, but most people know them. Like the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. 3 degrees of separation from someone's miracle baby.
But what about the other stories? The couple that tried for years, spent their life savings, and then got rejected from the adoption process because they were too old at that point? I'm pretty sure everyone knows LOTS of people like that. I just haven't decided if it's a kindness or not that people don't share THOSE stories with me.
Maybe you explain to them that no, it's not that we're trying too hard, I actually have an endocrine problem that makes it hard for me to get pregnant. And then they (of course) know someone who tried for YEARS to have a baby, spent $30k on in vitro fertilization, donor eggs, donor sperm, donor uterus, donor storks, and got nothing. So they gave up, prepared to live out their lives in childless loneliness. And then lo and behold! They had a miracle baby! It's amazing that everyone seems to have one of these stories.
A friend of mine (who really did have a miracle baby - I told you everyone has a story like that), told me that there are probably a limited number of miracle babies in the world, but most people know them. Like the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. 3 degrees of separation from someone's miracle baby.
But what about the other stories? The couple that tried for years, spent their life savings, and then got rejected from the adoption process because they were too old at that point? I'm pretty sure everyone knows LOTS of people like that. I just haven't decided if it's a kindness or not that people don't share THOSE stories with me.
Monday, August 15, 2011
The TTC vernacular
Once you enter the crazy on-line world of networking with other women who are trying to have a baby, you realize that there is a crazy language unique to this population. For instance, if you write in an on-line forum:
"I O'd on cd 18, never got a + opk, but went by cm and bd'd w/ my dh. Now I'm in the 2ww, can't wait to poas - hoping for a BFP!"
You could translate that to,
"I ovulated on calendar day 18 of my cycle, despite not having it confirmed with a positive on an ovulation predictor kit. However, my cervical mucus gave an indication I was fertile, so I engaged in intercourse with my husband. Now I am patiently waiting 2 weeks until I can take a home pregnancy test. I do hope it is positive, indicating that I am with child"
Ugh. Then when you get into the infertility forums (not just the annoying forums where people post their fertility charts, and get pregnant after trying for all of two months), then the jargon gets even weirder.
For instance:
"DH's SA came back normal, waiting for AF to show so we can start the follistim and ovidril for starting art, pre RE. Going in for baseline US on cd3. My HSG looks good, but so far only bfns for us. After this month's IUI I'll start progest supp at 3dpo"
Which would mean,
"My husband had a semen analysis test done, which came back normal, so we are waiting for my menstrual flow to begin, so we will be at the beginning of another cycle. Then we will be able to start injectible fertility drugs, in conjunction with assisted reproductive technology, under the guidance of our reproductive endocrinologist. I will then go in for a baseline ultrasound on day three of my cycle. I had a hysterosalpingogram (injection of dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes) which showed my fallopian tubes were open, but so far we have only gotten negative results on our home pregnancy tests. After our intrauterine insemination, I will then begin progesterone suppositories starting at 3 days post ovulation."
And you thought teenagers with their tech-speak was irritating!
"I O'd on cd 18, never got a + opk, but went by cm and bd'd w/ my dh. Now I'm in the 2ww, can't wait to poas - hoping for a BFP!"
You could translate that to,
"I ovulated on calendar day 18 of my cycle, despite not having it confirmed with a positive on an ovulation predictor kit. However, my cervical mucus gave an indication I was fertile, so I engaged in intercourse with my husband. Now I am patiently waiting 2 weeks until I can take a home pregnancy test. I do hope it is positive, indicating that I am with child"
Ugh. Then when you get into the infertility forums (not just the annoying forums where people post their fertility charts, and get pregnant after trying for all of two months), then the jargon gets even weirder.
For instance:
"DH's SA came back normal, waiting for AF to show so we can start the follistim and ovidril for starting art, pre RE. Going in for baseline US on cd3. My HSG looks good, but so far only bfns for us. After this month's IUI I'll start progest supp at 3dpo"
Which would mean,
"My husband had a semen analysis test done, which came back normal, so we are waiting for my menstrual flow to begin, so we will be at the beginning of another cycle. Then we will be able to start injectible fertility drugs, in conjunction with assisted reproductive technology, under the guidance of our reproductive endocrinologist. I will then go in for a baseline ultrasound on day three of my cycle. I had a hysterosalpingogram (injection of dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes) which showed my fallopian tubes were open, but so far we have only gotten negative results on our home pregnancy tests. After our intrauterine insemination, I will then begin progesterone suppositories starting at 3 days post ovulation."
And you thought teenagers with their tech-speak was irritating!
Mark Zuckerberg has an algorithm designed to make you crazy, OR, yes, everyone on Facebook is having babies
Even though you don't discuss your Trying to Conceive plans on Facebook, Facebook still seems to know about your secret searches to "babyhopes" "takingchargeofyourfertility" and "fertilethoughts" websites. And Facebook not only populated your sidebar ads with things like "Get a job being an ultrasound technician!" and "Great coupons here for for moms", facebook also seems to have people pop up in your newsfeed if they have any kind of baby announcements. These people never show up in your newsfeed otherwise, but there must be some algorithm deep in your facebook profile, that assumes you always want to see pictures of other people's babies. Here are a few classic examples from the past few weeks:
-Your husband's cousin has created a facebook page for her 6-month old. Facebook suggests you might want to be the baby's friend.
-That kid you knew from high school who you could have sworn was gay? Just had a baby (yes, I know, he still could be gay). And he posts something like, "I thought I knew what joy was the day I married my beautiful wife. Now that my son is here, I feel my life is just beginning" (barf. You would NEVER put something so maudlin.)
-Your friend from elementary school, who's only been married a little over a year? Yup - she just had her baby. Her belly shots and ultrasound photos have been popping up in your newsfeed for about 7 months. Despite your best efforts to block them, they STILL keep popping up as other friends comment on her status ("OMG! You are the cutest pregnant woman ever!").
-Your good friend who you considered a soul-mate in the subfertility journey because it took her so long to get pregnant the first time? Well, she had secondary-super-fertility, and is knocked up again. You give the obligatory congrats on her wall, but so to 10 thousand other people, which means that you are always alerted to everyone elses comments.
-Your friend of a friend, who already has 2 little boys, just had to try for a little girl, and she's getting one! I wish ordering a baby was so easy for everyone!
-Your friend doesn't have a FB account, so you wish him a happy birthday on wife's page - only to discover she is days away from delivering a baby! Now she's going to pop up in your feed because you visited her page. Damnit!
Mark, can't you invent an app to block anyone elses's baby news? I only want to hear about rock climbing and food from people's updates. And can't you differentiate between google searches that pregnant women use ("tummy or prone sleep?" "Do plastic diapers cause rashes?" "When is too early to sign up for pre-school") from the google searches us sub-fertile women make? ("How much does IUI cost?" "Will the HSG hurt?" "Will Reclipsen thicken my uterine lining?" "When is sperm count too low?") This app would help you target my sidebar ads to things like "Fertilaid Vitamins" and "tampons" and "Discounted Liquor" - you know, things I really need.
*UPDATE*
Apparently, Facebook just came out with an option of "I'm expecting" button in your profile. Thanks Mark.
-Your husband's cousin has created a facebook page for her 6-month old. Facebook suggests you might want to be the baby's friend.
-That kid you knew from high school who you could have sworn was gay? Just had a baby (yes, I know, he still could be gay). And he posts something like, "I thought I knew what joy was the day I married my beautiful wife. Now that my son is here, I feel my life is just beginning" (barf. You would NEVER put something so maudlin.)
-Your friend from elementary school, who's only been married a little over a year? Yup - she just had her baby. Her belly shots and ultrasound photos have been popping up in your newsfeed for about 7 months. Despite your best efforts to block them, they STILL keep popping up as other friends comment on her status ("OMG! You are the cutest pregnant woman ever!").
-Your good friend who you considered a soul-mate in the subfertility journey because it took her so long to get pregnant the first time? Well, she had secondary-super-fertility, and is knocked up again. You give the obligatory congrats on her wall, but so to 10 thousand other people, which means that you are always alerted to everyone elses comments.
-Your friend of a friend, who already has 2 little boys, just had to try for a little girl, and she's getting one! I wish ordering a baby was so easy for everyone!
-Your friend doesn't have a FB account, so you wish him a happy birthday on wife's page - only to discover she is days away from delivering a baby! Now she's going to pop up in your feed because you visited her page. Damnit!
Mark, can't you invent an app to block anyone elses's baby news? I only want to hear about rock climbing and food from people's updates. And can't you differentiate between google searches that pregnant women use ("tummy or prone sleep?" "Do plastic diapers cause rashes?" "When is too early to sign up for pre-school") from the google searches us sub-fertile women make? ("How much does IUI cost?" "Will the HSG hurt?" "Will Reclipsen thicken my uterine lining?" "When is sperm count too low?") This app would help you target my sidebar ads to things like "Fertilaid Vitamins" and "tampons" and "Discounted Liquor" - you know, things I really need.
*UPDATE*
Apparently, Facebook just came out with an option of "I'm expecting" button in your profile. Thanks Mark.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
All About Sperm
Remember back in junior high health class, when you learned all about sperm? Sperm was magical, as well as diabolical. Sperm could live for days on a toilet seat. Sperm could swim though 6 layers of clothing and impregnate you. It only takes one single sperm (ONE!) to get you pregnant. And sperm could be deposited on your clothes, and a week later, find its way inside you and burrow inside your egg. Ah, the good old days, when sperm could not be defeated. And for most of my adult life, I adhered to this guidance. Any loose sperm was a cause for alarm, much like a biohazard spill.
After a year + of subfertility, you learn a few truths about sperm:
-Sperm doesn't like things too warm
-Sperm doesn't like things too cold
-Sperm doesn't like coffee, alcohol, tobacco, or soy
-Sperm doesn't like hot tubs, hot showers, saunas, restrictive underwear, bike shorts, biking, synthetic fabrics, laptops, or scalding hot liquids
-Sperm doesn't like to be in the testicles for longer than 7 days
-Sperm doesn't like having to regenerate every day
-Sperm doesn't like it when you get old, or overweight, or stressed out
-Sperm doesn't like lube, saliva, petroleum jelly, baby oil, or any cervical fluid other than "eggwhite"
-Sperm doesn't like to be kept waiting in a cup for over an hour
-Although it only takes "one good sperm", having a sperm count of 1 will never get anyone pregnant
After a year + of subfertility, you learn a few truths about sperm:
-Sperm doesn't like things too warm
-Sperm doesn't like things too cold
-Sperm doesn't like coffee, alcohol, tobacco, or soy
-Sperm doesn't like hot tubs, hot showers, saunas, restrictive underwear, bike shorts, biking, synthetic fabrics, laptops, or scalding hot liquids
-Sperm doesn't like to be in the testicles for longer than 7 days
-Sperm doesn't like having to regenerate every day
-Sperm doesn't like it when you get old, or overweight, or stressed out
-Sperm doesn't like lube, saliva, petroleum jelly, baby oil, or any cervical fluid other than "eggwhite"
-Sperm doesn't like to be kept waiting in a cup for over an hour
-Although it only takes "one good sperm", having a sperm count of 1 will never get anyone pregnant
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