All About Sperm

Remember back in junior high health class, when you learned all about sperm? Sperm was magical, as well as diabolical. Sperm could live for days on a toilet seat. Sperm could swim though 6 layers of clothing and impregnate you. It only takes one single sperm (ONE!) to get you pregnant. And sperm could be deposited on your clothes, and a week later, find its way inside you and burrow inside your egg. Ah, the good old days, when sperm could not be defeated. And for most of my adult life, I adhered to this guidance. Any loose sperm was a cause for alarm, much like a biohazard spill.

After a year + of subfertility, you learn a few truths about sperm:

-Sperm doesn't like things too warm

-Sperm doesn't like things too cold

-Sperm doesn't like coffee, alcohol, tobacco, or soy

-Sperm doesn't like hot tubs, hot showers, saunas, restrictive underwear, bike shorts, biking, synthetic fabrics, laptops, or scalding hot liquids

-Sperm doesn't like to be in the testicles for longer than 7 days

-Sperm doesn't like having to regenerate every day

-Sperm doesn't like it when you get old, or overweight, or stressed out

-Sperm doesn't like lube, saliva, petroleum jelly, baby oil, or any cervical fluid other than "eggwhite"

-Sperm doesn't like to be kept waiting in a cup for over an hour

-Although it only takes "one good sperm", having a sperm count of 1 will never get anyone pregnant